Today, my soulmate died. Oh, I don't mean the physical form that held that title but the image I had bestowed upon her.
Our relationship has been a rocky road over several years of breakups, accusations and (what I now know to be) lies, but I had never given up on the belief we could make it through the bad times, increase the length of the good times and enjoy a blissful future - together!
I learned early on in our relationship she was victim to a miserable past and suffered from issues which would take time, help and understanding to overcome. But, I loved her unconditionally and thought that feeling was reciprocated. I was wrong!
Her insecurity, self doubt and yes...even self loathing (because she did not fit the modern manufactured view of what is beautiful) all played a part, but I knew the person I saw in real life was not the same person she was seeing in the mirror. She was always beautiful to me as I was acutely aware her self perceived 'ugliness' was nothing in physical form; it came from within.
Despite constant reassurance, she finally manufactured an excuse to run away and I am now left wondering why I feel so bad and emotionally numbed.
The details of her departure will remain private as I am still in shock by her final performance - she hid behind the 'ugly' persona of her previously suppressed demon - but they involve betrayal, lies and of course unjustified accusations and ingratitude.
I know that this time it is final. My love is still present but my forgiveness is in the past.
I wish my ex-soulmate the best of luck in whatever graveyard of the heart she now resides; I know that reincarnation is not an option for her this time.
Love Lies Bleeding!
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