MPs Just Clowning Around!

I was playing around with an idea of comparing the antics of parliament with a circus, when I came upon a website called clown-names.com

I just couldn’t resist the temptation to feed the following names into the clown name generator to see who their clown alter egos would be:

• David Cameron = Baron Noogstein
• Nick Clegg = Sir Blink
• Ed Miliband = Miss Hoggins
• Ed Balls = Doctor Tulipa

Suddenly, the images I carry in my head, of those normally dreary faces, have taken on a new dimension.

Everyone loves a clown.............

Try it for yourself!

The Lame Excuse For Action In Libya

Announcing the commencement of military action against the Gadaffi regime’s refusal to capitulate to the wishes of the UN our PM, David Cameron, said:

“We should not stand aside while this dictator murders his own people”

It seemed to be a rather strange and weak reasoning for entering into what could well escalate as a long and full blown military occupation, given that successive UK governments have been happy to ignore similar unsavoury behaviour from Robert Mugabe or China or Syria (the list goes on and on) for decades.

Of course, creating an air exclusion zone is a good thing if Gaddafi is using air strikes – but he is not. His followers are still free to launch ground attacks on their opposition or to knock on the doors of rebels and ‘disappear’ them like so many brutal regimes do.

To stop such actions, we would need troops on the ground, and haven’t we been there before?

It seems politicians are slow to learn from historical fact (perhaps we should blame our education system)

The PM finished his address by saying:

“I believe we should all be confident that what we are doing is in a just cause and in our nation’s interest.”

I guess we'll have to wait to hear to whom the cause will be ‘just’ and exactly how it will be of direct interest to our country.

Personally, I shall not be holding my breath!

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Clegg Reveals 'Complete Bilge'

If, like me, you have ever wondered how two political parties, with differing ideologies, can form a coalition government and run our country, you will be pleased to read that deputy prime minister, Nick Clegg, has revealed all.

In an interview in today's Independent entitled ‘I Told Cameron He Was Talking Complete Bilge’ he said:

“Coalition is two leaders and two parties coming together from different perspectives, resolving differences, then arguing and explaining it in their own terms.”

Where ’Complete Bilge’ is concerned, it appears he is a master!!

Another Fine Mess......Well Almost!!

I haven’t written anything, up until today at least, about the recent uprisings in the Middle East. To be quite honest with you, I don’t really know what to think.

The speed with which the protesters achieved their objectives in both Tunisia and Egypt surprised even the most optimistic of observers. It was almost as if the ruling regimes in both countries had, like rabbits in a car headlight, been paralysed in fear at the strength of the protests against them.

When the ‘freedom virus’ spread to Libya it was for a while at least, fair to assume that the erratic but controlling forces of the Gaddafi clan would soon follow those of the deposed regimes from Tunisia and Egypt. You could almost hear the champagne corks popping in both our own country and the USA.

But, once again, it seems that Gaddafi has managed to defy the will of most of the ‘free’ world by resisting our demands and those of his people, and instead has turned his country into one that is fast approaching civil war.

Our own politicians are now the ones who appear paralysed. When the protests in Libya first started, they were quick to assume it would all be over in days and our version of ‘democracy’ would quickly take root. They were wrong.

Now, we hear talk of no-fly zones and sanctions being imposed against the ruling regime of Libya. Meanwhile, we have to suffer the embarrassment of international ridicule as our own special forces were captured by the very rebels they were trying to contact last weekend.

It is all starting to look very dangerous politically; we are soon going to have to ‘put up or shut up’. Either we stand by and observe from afar, or we get actively involved in trying to enforce our democracy on a people who have, for the most part, never experienced it before.

Sound familiar?

Last time we got too involved in the politics of other countries, the cost, both in lost lives and national debt, turned out to be far more than we could ever afford.

Of course, all of the above is based on having enough military hardware left after the coalition’s recent version of Scrapheap Challenge

I can feel another post forming!

Is Vince Cable A Fool Or A Mischief Maker?

Is this the face of a fool or the face of a mischief maker?

Business Secretary, Vince Cable, who has long been respected for his forthright views on the economy and his personal reservations about his party’s power sharing coalition with the Conservatives, has been caught in a ‘sting’ by two journalists from the Daily Telegraph posing as single women from his constituency.

During their recorded meeting, Mr Cable is said to have described dealing with his coalition partners as like “fighting a war” and while talking of his options said: ”They know I have nuclear weapons, but I don’t have any conventional weapons. If they push me too far then I can walk out and bring the government down and they know that.”

Mr Cable is widely known to be disillusioned with recent political events, after being embarrassed by his party’s change of policy regarding the rise in university tuition fees and the resistance of the Conservatives to force action against the banks.

His biggest ‘sin’ however, was to boast he was personally at war with the Murdoch publishing empire and he would do everything in his power to make sure it was blocked from taking control of the BskyB satellite network.

The Prime Minister and Deputy Prime Minister have now announced that Mr Cable is to be stripped of his responsibilities for any decisions regarding media and broadcasting, although he will still keep his (much reduced) business portfolio. He is said to be feeling ‘foolish’.

A statement from Downing Street stated:

“The Prime Minister is clear that Mr Cable’s comments were totally unacceptable and inappropriate.”

But then he would say that. The PM has a lot to thank Rupert Murdoch for; after all, the publishing magnate’s newspapers backed the Conservatives in the lead up to last May’s elections.

So is Mr Cable a fool?

I find it hard to believe that someone of his intelligence and experience in politics would be tricked so easily by an audience of two women he did not know and to whom he was to make such unguarded and unwise statements.

Is he a mischief maker?
 
Well, if he had been sacked from his role in government, he would be free to form a splinter group of Lib Dem MPs; they are known to be tired of the way the Conservatives have been using their party to absorb the public’s displeasure following the coalition’s recent policy announcements. Had he been sacked, Cable could have forced an early end to the Coalition.

Whatever he is, he has now demonstrated all is not well amongst those public smiles portrayed by the Cameron Cabinet in the media.

Leader of the Opposition, Ed Miliband has today commented that these revelations prove the coalition is just “a sham”.

Give the man a cigar! That’s something many of us have known since May!

Raising The Cost Of Education Is Just A Riot!

Yesterday, was the day the wheels could have come off the Coalition bus but it just managed to wobble home carrying a small majority of 21 votes.

Well, we think it was 21 votes, but after the damning report this week revealing we are behind countries like Poland, Iceland and Estonia in the international league tables of academic achievement, maybe we should ask for a recount.

Yes, the government managed to win the vote on increasing the costs of attending University and predictably, the ‘student’ demonstrations in Parliament Square against the rises in fees turned into violence once again.

Even the car of Prince Charles and his wife Camilla was attacked as they were being driven to the theatre for the Royal Variety Performance.

The Liberal Democrats have demonstrated they are not a party of unity - at least on the subject of student fees - as those of them who have accepted positions around the cabinet table voted against their own election promise to abandon fees altogether.

A spokesperson for London Mayor, Boris Johnson, reported that he is “appalled by the scenes of violence this evening… It is an insult to our democracy,”

Surely, though, while no-one really can leave yesterday's events behind without accepting a share of the blame for the violence, the real insult to democracy is a political party that either misrepresented itself to gain votes at the election or was naive enough to think its promises would be so easily forgotten just because its leaders decide to ‘see things differently’ now they have sold their principles for a seat at the top table.

It seems we are all still learning!

Students Get Police 'Punchy' And 'Over Steamed' From Kettling

I was led to the video below from the Liberal Conspiracy website because I was interested in witnessing the footage of a policeman punching a student at the recent demonstrations in London; I was not disappointed.

I found it horrifying to witness the pure aggression of the officers who were forming the line blocking the students’ exit route from the containment area, used as part of the controversial police tactic of ‘kettling’.

Keep watching, after the punch, to see the attitude of the officer with the moustache and baton.

The police should remember that accountability from video surveillance can work both ways.

Welcome to the future!

Calls To Dry Up The Wikileaks!

If you put water into a leaky bucket, you get wet.

Similarly, if you do not secure confidential transmissions between diplomats around the world you get leaks.

That one basic fact is what the USA is finding out today as a staggering 251,000 of its confidential memos have been published on the whistleblower website Wikileaks

Of course, the publication of the documents on the web and their subsequent revelations being reported in the media is being met with outrage by the US authorities, with one Senator demanding that Wiklileaks should be proscribed as a terrorist organisation.

We have heard the usual cries of an attack on the Freedom of Speech and a blow for democracy etc. etc.

Surely, though, it is more an embarrassment over their lack of security that has the American politicians riled.

In reality, it is the ultimate demonstration of freedom of information.

Personally, I have not been bowled over by the quality of the revelations so far and I am not the slightest bit surprised by the underhand, devious shenanigans of the American authorities which have been revealed within their private communications. I am certain they are no different from those of any other country around the globe.

If there is one thing I have learnt in my life, it is to be wary of the 'friend' who appears to smile too much!

MI6 Blamed For Taliban Hoaxer

You couldn’t make it up if you tried.

The man who claimed to be a senior Taliban leader in Afghanistan and who has been engaged in talks with coalition forces and the Afghan government about reaching a peaceful settlement, has turned out to be a fake and has disappeared without trace.

As if that were not bad enough, he had already been paid thousands of dollars to take part in the talks and unsurprisingly, the money has disappeared too!

Of course, a game of Pass The Blame has started, with the Afghans blaming our MI6 and our government blaming the Afghan security forces, but whoever ends up with the reddest face, it is just one more reminder of how stupid we were to get involved in such a vain war in the first place!

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Help I'm A Prisoner - I'll Vote Me Out Of Here!

I have always been of the view (somewhat naively it now seems) that if someone commits an unlawful act against the society in which we live, they forfeit the right to be a part of our society for a specified period of time set by a Court of Law - they are ‘banged up’

While I can accept - to a point - there might be an argument in favour of having certain ‘distractions’ within a prison  (like flushing toilets, exercise areas and the odd communal television) I am not in agreement that a custodial sentence should entitle you to the same individual rights you enjoyed before being sentenced; I believe prisons should be seen as a deterrent and a punishment - not as Premier Inns with added security.

However, it seems I am now politically incorrect.

The Ministry of Silly Interfering Decisions, (otherwise known as the European Court For Human Rights) has decreed that we, as a nation, must obey a stupid EU court ruling allowing all prisoners within  the UK prison system the right to vote.

No, I am not referring to those expensive phone votes during programmes like X Factor or Strictly Come Dancing, but to a proper vote that elects the very government that maintains the laws that put them all away in the first place.

Of course, our government is saying it is unable to oppose such European madness, so it looks like the next logical move could be to allow conmen, thieves and sexual deviants to stand for Parliament!

Merde!!.... that’s one idea that’s already too late!

Cameron's 'Extravagant' Arrogance Needs Cuts

In politics, there is a very fine line between arrogance and leadership and today, the Prime Minister, David Cameron, came close to proving my point.

He has told opponents of his coalition’s housing benefits caps to “think again” describing the benefits as “extravagant”

He also said:

"Paying over £20,000 a year for the housing benefit of some families is too high. I do not think taxpayers who pay their taxes will understand why we are being so extravagant,"

(I note, however, he failed to mention those in his cabinet who take measures to avoid paying their taxes)

and:

"There are many people who earn less than £20,000 - their whole income is less than £20,000 - who are paying taxes to house people who are getting rents of £25,000, £30,000, £35,000, £40,000. They don't see that as fair and neither do I."

However, it seems he has completely missed a very large point.

Many families, particularly in parts of London, have been living in the same accommodation for many years. They originally moved into areas that, at the time, were seen as being deprived and populated by low income communities.

As the economy has grown over the years, many of those areas have been developed becoming ‘trendy’ with the wealthier bonus culture ‘city types’ splashing their cash and changing the locality into a fashionable and desirable address to have. They have invested their money wisely and as a consequence have raised the rents.

That is not the fault of the tenants who now find themselves living in such desirable abodes. They do not negotiate the rents with the landlords. They should not be demonised as being “extravagant” or “scroungers”

It is, also, worth remembering that Margaret Thatcher sold off much of the available social housing to buy votes and raise capital but then failed to invest into providing more modern, affordable properties, to replace it - she was the Tory leader that Cameron aspires to be.

I guess the real question, though, is will our national conscience (is there still one?) remain dormant, if thousands of long term tenants are moved out of their ‘high price’ rented accommodation and shipped many miles to areas where the rents are more ‘affordable’.

For that matter, do we really want to see a capital city, that is known for its diverse and colourful population, turned into an overpriced and arrogant ‘ghetto’ of monied bankers and lawyers.

I am guessing this will not be an easy ride for Cameron or his coalition partners.

I am also thinking he is arrogant and not yet, at least, a great leader

Has Israel Finally Shot Itself In The Foot?

"This was not a love boat, this was a boat of hate," is Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu's rather feeble effort at an excuse for his military action against the Gaza aid flotilla, in which nine 'activists' were killed by Israeli troops.

It is an excuse that is starting to wear rather thin, after being overused as justification for many of his country's dubious military endeavors over the past few years.

The image of Israel as an innocent victim, defending its existence in the Middle East has, in the past, managed to subdue international criticism of its actions. However, with the latest aggression and its refusal to remove the Gaza blockade, it seems the Israeli government might finally have shot itself in the foot.

If they don't adjust their position soon, it will not just be a "boat of hate" they are facing but a world of hate too!

The Hacker Who Broke Into US Never-Never Land!

"Cyberspace doesn't exist any more than never-never land. I was no more in America than anyone who is on a long-distance telephone call. The fiction of cyberspace should be properly tested in a British court because it is no more real than Santa Claus. They cannot "return" me to a country I wasn't in, yet they continually refer in court to "returning me". If I was being returned to the place where my crime was committed, I would be returned to Crouch End. I am not a fugitive, I was physically in North London and have remained in North London"

The words of Gary McKinnon the man the USA says could be the most dangerous hacker in the world after he broke into their military computers.

He now awaits the decision of a judicial review in the UK on whether he should be extradited to the USA.

Personally, I think he has a very good point and the Americans should admit they failed to protect their computers behind a firewall powerful enough to shield their secrets!

In reality, it is all about politics and a one sided 'special relationship'

Could this be one of the first real tests for our new Foreign Secretary?

All Change On The Number Ten...!

Finally, after the usual long wait, it's all change on the No.10 bus.

Gordon Brown, the previous driver, has been forced to retire prematurely following several careless accidents. Meanwhile, David Cameron has replaced him at the wheel and is now in the driver's seat of a slick, shiny, new hybrid vehicle comprised from the parts of two different manufacturers.

What we all want to know is: are the parts going to last the full length of the warranty? Are fares going to rise to a level that will cause immense hardship to the passengers? Who will become Cameron's conductor and do the owners of the bus have a clear route mapped out for the whole of the journey?

Hopefully, the ride will be smooth and uneventful, but there is always the danger the driver will be caught out by that seemingly obvious low bridge!

Fares please!!

Cutting Through UK Nuclear Deterrent With A Knife!

One of the headline grabbing arguments between the leaders of the three main political parties in this election has been the subject of our nuclear deterrent.

While the Liberal Democrats have been very vocal in saying it should be scrapped, both Labour and the Conservatives accuse Nick Clegg, the Lib Dem leader, of being naive.

Sadly, though, they are all right.

We are about to invest billions of pounds into the renewal of a weapons system, which will hopefully never be used, when that money could be filling a large part of the financial hole, from which, we are trying to escape.

A nuclear weapons industry should never have been conceived. It is a technology that could have been harnessed for the good of all and not the destruction of a select few. It has split the world into those countries that 'have' and those that 'have not'. Sadly though, it was not only conceived; it was used.

Of course, those that 'have' justify their position by arguing it is a deterrent and we must maintain it because we are living in an age of terrorism and growing radicalism throughout the world.

The likes of Nick Clegg, they argue, are being naive in thinking otherwise. Unfortunately, I think they are probably right, although before they become too smug, it is worth pointing out the irony in their argument using a domestic parallel example.

The increase in knife crime in the UK has been rising steadily over the last few years with many teenagers losing their lives as a result. One of the arguments they use for being 'tooled up' with knives is that they carry them as a deterrent, in case of attack.

Have you spotted the irony?

Our authorities argue forcibly against such logic and say you are more likely to suffer as a result of carrying a knife.

So, how is it our politicians cannot see the same logic applies to having a nuclear deterrent?

It seems there will be no clear winners in this debate and the cost could, ultimately, be far more than we are prepared to pay!

The Man With Two Faces!

In an operation lasting 24hrs and taking a team of 30 medical staff, a Spanish man has been given a new face in a Barcelona hospital.

Having lost his original features in an accident, he has now been given a complete new face including teeth, nose, cheekbones and skin.

I refrain from imagining what will happen in the event he gets a fit of sneezing, but it has now effectively buried the old 'put down' line "You can't be two faced or you wouldn't wear that one all the time"

Yet another nail goes into the coffin of cheap gags!

The BBC And Its License For Abuse!

I am almost starting to feel sorry for the MPs who were exposed for making excessive use of their expenses.

They have been vilified by the media (quite rightly) and the BBC have been particularly diligent in scrutinising and exposing every claim made.

Today, though, it appears to be a case of ‘pots and kettles’.

The news has broken that three BBC executives managed to claim over £12,650 in taxi fares during a three month period. One managed to blow £675 over two days alone, which makes those duck houses and pork pies claimed by MPs seem like an act of thrift.

A BBC spokesperson (for they have to be politically correct) has said that taxis are the most efficient way of conducting business en route and said of one of the claimants she.....

“....is incredibly busy, so she has to use her time as efficiently as possible.”

and

"Whenever she is travelling to meetings, she will schedule in a number of business calls to make the best use of this travel time. Because of the confidential nature of these discussions, it is not possible to hold them in public."

What a load of old cock! Presumably, they are so confidential they even request drivers who are deaf mutes too!

Thousands of people have the same requirements in their business lives each day, but they manage to use more economically sound ways of being successful. They travel with us ‘common people’ and still manage to get by.

What really irritates me, though, is they are using our ‘common people’ money - through the license fee - to pay for their inflated sense of importance.

Maybe it is time the BBC faced an independent audit after all!

Eruption And Disruption - It's 'Plane' Crazy!

So who really is running the asylum?

Six days after our planes were grounded, airports are still closed and an estimated 150,000 UK travellers are stranded abroad, unable to get home.

The cause, as we all know by now, is an erupting volcano in Iceland.

I am finding it really hard to comprehend that such chaos has been caused by one relatively small natural occurrence and it seems I am not alone.

Yesterday, Willie Walsh the CEO of British Airways flew on one of his planes to test whether any damage would really be caused by the dust cloud i.e. is the situation really as dangerous as we are being led to believe?

He returned in one piece - I am sure much to the annoyance of many of his recently striking cabin crews - convinced the disruption to air travel and his company's revenues was not justified.

Which brings me back to the original question: who is responsible for making the initial decision?

It seems it was not made by our own government but taken somewhere in Europe where, as we all know, they are true professionals in inventing silly rules and regulations.

But this is not a piece of stupidity about the straightness of a banana, it is far more disruptive and for many, financially disastrous.

The contradictory updates have been almost a work of farce: Scotland and Northern Ireland can fly now.... oh no they can't....all airports will open tomorrow.....oh no they won't ....but they might..... errrr not... etc. etc.

I guess, in one sense, the regulators and health and safety obsessives can claim a massive success; no planes will come crashing out of the skies as they haven't been able to leave the ground in the first place - it's the equivalent of making sure there are no motoring accidents by removing the wheels from cars!

If this decision was taken in Brussels, then it should not be too long before UKIP start spouting on about being a classic example of what our future has in store as part of a United States Of Europe!

Personally, I would rather take my chances with the volcano!

The Most Entertaining Manifesto So Far - It Rocks!

At the start of week three of the election campaigning (has it really only been two weeks so far?) there is a risk we are all becoming a little jaded.

Here is one party who's campaigns never fail to cheer me up:



I bet you'll be humming, or whistling the tune all day, although somehow I don't think we'll be seeing the Monster Raving Loony Party interviewed by Paxman on Newsnight!

Conservatives, 'Borrowing' Lib Dem Ideas And The Gay Vote!

I was surprised to see George Osborne’s plan to tackle homophophic bullying in schools promoted so willingly by the press last Sunday.

It also features prominently on the front page of the Conservative Party website.

Unfortunately for him, though, I remembered posting about an almost identical plan put forward by the Lib Dem’s Nick Clegg back in January.

Surely the Conservatives can’t be getting so desperate to catch the extra votes the gay community could provide, that they need to re-package something already proposed by a rival party? It seems so.

My views on the proposal have not changed since January, so fortunately, you can read the old post here and just switch the names!

It seems that is what Mr Osborne has already tried to do!